An Open Letter to Cleo

Cleo,

(you don't deserve the "dear" greeting). You are a very pretty betta fish. Your tendrils are long and healthy. Your bowl is a little small but that's not your fault.

So. You are currently on the hit MTV show THE HILLS. Face-time, name recognition and everything. Though, sadly, you are owned by "Lo", easily the worst HILLS character (this is like being the prized pet of Cousin Oliver back in THE BRADY BUNCH days). But, like the size of your pathetic bowl, it's not your fault.

But here's the thing. Before you were introduced on THE HILLS this week, my character, Betta George, was easily the most famous betta fish in the world. He was fictional, sure, but named after (and looking exactly like) my prized, long-gone fish George. George EARNED his fame. He swam and he ate and he wasn't owned by an awful lady (seriously, couldn't you have at least been purchased by Audrina? With her adorable smile, blank dead-eyed stare and non existent personality she's this generation's Andrew Shue).

To sum up: don't get comfortable on your throne as king of all Betta fish. Remember, MTV burns through it's personalities. Do I even have to remind you of Tabitha Soren? Yes, yes I probably do. Which is my point.

Sleep with one fish eye fish open.

Brian Lynch

PS. You're clearly a boy betta and you're named Cleo. Good luck with the future therapy.