Sunday, June 14, 2009

Script Review: Christopher Nolan's PEANUTS

Last week I broke the 30 ROCK IS A RIP-OFF OF THE MUPPET SHOW scandal. Truth be told, I have no idea how I was going to follow that up. But then, someone sent me a screenplay that absolutely NO ONE had read yet. I have a scoop on my hands. And you're about to have a scoop in your eyes.


With BATMAN BEGINS and THE DARK KNIGHT, director Christopher Nolan took a comic book property and spun an introspective, dark and gritty crime drama. Out came the freeze rays and vats of acid, in came grounded, real world scenarios and Batman having some form of throat cancer. Fans are waiting with bated breath for news of Christopher Nolan's next BATMAN movie.

Keep waiting, people. BATMAN is not his next project. Nolan is taking another famous comic franchise and turning it on it's ear. Instead of beating around the cyber bush any longer, allow me to simply tell you what it says on the title page:

PRE-NUTS: CHARLIE BROWN BEGINS


Story by David S. Goyer & Christopher Nolan

Written by Christopher Nolan and Jonathan Nolan

Based on the Daily Graphic Novella "Peanuts"
by Charles Schulz


Fourth Draft 03-25-09

Yes, I know. A PEANUTS movie re-imagined by Christopher Nolan and we haven't heard of it until now. But I trust my source (he's from a very reliable movie news site...I'd give you the link but I don't want an influx of hits to overwhelm his geocities address). And I hope you trust me. But if not, I offer THIS photographic evidence:



That's me looking at the script. You can see it in the corner a little. See how amazed I am? Do you think I get that amazed at just anything? Now I have proven without a shadow of a doubt that I have this script, let us move on.

My source said Warner Brothers is keeping PRE-NUTS under wraps because they fear fan backlash. I can see what he means, the script is quite a departure from what we expect from PEANUTS, and might be too much for die-hard PEANUT fans (dubbed BROWNIES by the foreign media). It is a reboot in the truest sense of the word, and as you can tell from the title it is most definitely taking place before the PEANUTS we know and love. Think of it as PEANUTS ORIGINS: CHARLIE BROWN.

I know what you're thinking: "But what is the script about?". To which I say "why are you thinking questions to me?". I will still tell you what the script is about because seriously, why should Latinoreview.com get all the good script reviews?

Warning: Spoilers ahead!


Nolan lets you know right up front that this is not your father's PEANUTS. Take this opening line:

A SINGLE YELLOW bird flutters about a night sky. Circling, looping, fighting to stay in flight but the winds are too great. Like a wounded angel he crashes to the ground. Raising a wing-fist to the heavens, he chirps but for a moment. Even though we're listening to birdspeak it's clear he's cursing God.

The action then cuts to the lead. As you can guess, the film revolves around CHARLES "CHARLIE" BROWN. He is aged up a bit, the script describes as "16 years old, suffering from male pattern baldness brought on by stress".

What is Charlie Brown so stressed about? Well, his happy existence of making over dead Christmas trees comes to a screeching halt when an airborne virus strikes every adult, so they can only express themselves in trumpet sounds. And as you can tell from this script excerpt, some children aren't taking it well:

A single realistic tear runs down Sally's eye. Charlie Brown puts his hand on her shoulder.

SALLY
They really did it us this time, didn't they? Goddamn, goddamn blockheads.

CHARLIE BROWN
The President is addressing matters. Maybe it's just our town...

On the TV is THE PRESIDENTIAL SEAL. And then, standing at the presidential podium is THE PRESIDENT (noble, black, realistic). He looks at the monitor, clears his throat, and calmly states...

THE PRESIDENT
Waugh waugh waugh waugh. Waugh waugh.

SLOW-ZOOM in on Charlie Brown's face.

CHARLIE BROWN
Good Grief. This shit just got real.

Adults continue with their lives but are ignored by the children, who form a society that is very LORD OF THE FLIES meets FAMILY CIRCUS. While the youngsters go through the now-hollow motions of attending school, they live unsupervised and completely free to do whatever they want. They converse only with their peers. New traditions and laws are quickly established: rocks are now acceptable gifts. Dinner every night consists of toast, pretzels, popcorn and jelly beans and is eaten on a ping pong table. The school play is run completely by children. One child, specifically. His name? LINUS VAN PELT.


The script refers to Linus as "A bundle of neurosis possessing a knowledge far beyond his age or childish habits." Linus carries a blue blanket with him everywhere, and constantly changes the origin of his dependency each time he discusses it. One minute that blanket is the last thing his Dad ever gave to him, the next minute the blanket is cut from the tunic of the great and powerful Pumpkin Deity that appears once a calender year. Truly dark stuff, but Nolan squared and Goyer aren't afraid to go there.

Certain children flourish in the society's new deal. Chief among them is Linus' sister LUCY VAN PELT.


The script calls for a "16 going on 30, with an inner rage rarely seen in a child, think a young Bea Arthur."

After the trumpet virus spreads, more and more children break down and need help coping. Lucy, ever the snake oil salesman, begins counseling the children for 5 cents a session. Charlie Brown becomes her chief source of income, as the lack of parental guidance has warped his mind to the point of (possible) hallucinations. So lonely and desperate is he, he believes his dog (who is clearly patterned after SNOOPY but never referred to as such, my source indicates the name was deemed too childish) has the soul of a World War I flying ace.



The script takes the time to explain that the dog's attitude and callous nature represents Charlie Brown's Id. I don't know what that means, but I trust Christopher Nolan. After all, he was smart enough to spend 3 minutes of BATMAN BEGINS explaining where Batman's ears come from.

Charlie Brown's hallucinations grow stronger, to the point of the dog developing it's own psychological problems: a split personality. He-who-is-not-Snoopy alternates between the flying ace and a Fonzie-like too-cool-for-school persona, Charlie increases his visits to Lucy. Their sessions recall early Tony Soprano/Dr. Melfi. Charlie and Lucy grow closer throughout, even as part of the therapy involves a weird "trust exercise" which consists of Lucy taking a football away right when Charlie Brown is about to kick it.

Around page 25 I began to wonder who exactly the villain of the movie was going to be. Was it the virus itself? Was it society? Was it...me? But then, a new character jumped off the page and kissed my eyeballs:

INT. ALLEY WAY - NIGHT

A YOUNG BOY scurries out of the darkened corner of the alley.
The original color of his skin, hair or clothes has long since been lost to dirt and grime. Lice run about his head (production note: CGI Lice? talk to marketing), sores and bruises cover his body. Hell has vomited him out and won't take him back. He is scared. He is wild. He is feral. This is PIG-PEN.


Pig-Pen isn't the chief antagonist, he's merely a dupe henchman to a cabal of evil. A barrage of horrific villains are introduced. They include a Cannibal Tree that demands Charlie Brown's belongings be ritually sacrificed, a mysterious redhead who has siren like powers over men despite the fact that no one can get a good look at her, and a lesbian couple who appear to have history with Charlie Brown (my source says their back story will be the subject of the PRE-NUTS straight-to-video anime movie that will come out with the release of theatrical PRE-NUTS proper).

Charlie Brown surmises that all these events are tied into each other, and as he and Lucy get closer to the truth, they also get closer to each other. Here is where the movie most deviates from the Daily Graphic Novella. Charlie Brown and Lucy make love. It starts out violently as they hurl a baseball at each other to remove their clothes, and builds to an awkward moment when Lucy suggests they do it "doggy style" so Charlie has sex with her while tossing Easter eggs at kids and typing "It was a Dark and Stormy Night."

Like BATMAN BEGINS and THE DARK KNIGHT before it, PRE-NUTS is jam-packed with set pieces to offset the drama. There is a dogfight involving bi-planes and a flying doghouse that is shockingly gritty and bloody that, if done right, will be as good as anything in PEARL HARBOR. Some of the characters drop acid in the desert and meet a skinnier, hat-wearing, facial hair sporting version of Charlie Brown's dog. There is a rafting race, a fire at a boarding school, a bump-and-grind dance sequence at a rave that, according to the script, will feature the classic PEANUTS theme remixed by The Chemical Brothers with vocals by "someone really urban yet realistic".


Charlie Brown eventually figures out who is behind the mayhem. I don't want to spoil it, but when characters openly admit to worshiping pumpkin deities and lie about their blankets, it's kind of a red flag that they've got some screws loose. Well, not so much red flags as blue blankets. They have blue blankets. Linus is behind it, is my point.

Will Charlie Brown save the day? I can't ruin everything for you, I already subtly hinted who was behind the whole thing, but I can say that yes he does.

The script is not without it's problems. For one thing, it is 210 pages. At one minute per page, that's like...roughly 210 minutes. The black character, FRANKLIN, is given absolutely nothing to do. And I know we live in tough times and everybody's just trying to make a buck, but product placement IN the screenplay? Tacky. An excerpt:

INT. CHARLIE BROWN'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT


Charlie Brown takes a bite of his delicious Dolly Madison snack cake and answers the phone.

CHARLIE BROWN
(into phone)

Hello? You have information? This better not be a trap, I don't want to die. Even though I am covered by Met Life. Like all good people.
(a beat)
Okay, Okay, I'm on my way. Yes, I'll be there. Is that anywhere near Knott's Berry Farm? Good Grief on a stick is that place the best.

That said, and I'm not just trying to be quoted on a poster, PRE-NUTS: CHARLIE BROWN BEGINS is fun for all ages between 18-25, especially the ones that wear a lot of black. It certainly a roller coaster ride of a movie. Not a particularly exciting roller coaster, maybe one of those old kiddie roller coasters you remember from your youth and say "oh man I love that roller coaster" but it gets redone and then it's all serious and even boring. That kind of roller coaster.

Not how I should grade? Some reviewers do thumbs up and down, but I think that's copyrighted. Letter grade? Number? Stars? I better cover all the bases:

FINAL GRADE: B.5 stars up.

And hey, if you dug this, check out my twitter over at www.twitter.com/brianlynch. I'm just as clever over there, only in travel size portions.



225 comments:

1 – 200 of 225   Newer›   Newest»
Rob said...

Good grief. This shit just got funny.

Anonymous said...

Good grief, please proofread.

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I've never heard of your blog until now. But now, I will never leave. Awesome!

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Anonymous, please, point out errors, it's a blog so I don't edit and edit and edit, so I miss stuff. By all means, tell me what to fix and I will fix.

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Obviously the errors were SIC, reproduced from the script. Duh.

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"Hell has vomited him out and won't take him back. This is PIG-PEN." Gold.

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i loved the story of pig pin being spit up from hell and wont be taken back

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@ Phllyradiogeek: Welcome to the party that is Brian's blog. Seriously, he's awesome! Check out his Twitter account, too.

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Reminds me a bit of the play "Dog Sees God: Confessions of a Teenage Blockhead".

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Oh how you jest; but you know someone, somewhere is working on it.

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Special guest star: Charlie Brown's favorite baseball player Joe Shlabotnik...

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Ah, this was great! I love the part about Pigpen, and about the rocks being acceptable gifts, and Linus being the antagonist, and B.5 stars up, et cetera, et cetera...! Pure awesomeness.

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Hi Brian. Christopher Nolan could really be your inspiration in making comic strips. Great job man.

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